Getting Out of the Way of Our Horses

Photo taken Summer 2005: A treasured cozy moment with Tansy.

Her son, Taran, is beside her.

Last summer, Shannon Knapp from Horse Sense of the Carolinas sent an e-mail question to dozens of practitioners in the Equine Guided/Assisted Learning community. It was one of those “food for thought” inquiries, which I always appreciate. Essentially, it was this: Should we be using our personal horses for this work?

It’s a good question. After all, we’re attached to our own horses in different ways than we might be to those with whom we simply work. We have a history with our horses. We know their personalities and their stories, as we would members of our own human families. Intentionally or not, we may allow our relationships with them to get in the way of our work with clients. Our expectations may interfere with the learning and growth process.

With regard to clients, we’re reminded by our teachers to “allow” people to fully experience sessions with horse partners. We’re encouraged to “get out of the way” of our clients. Let sessions unfold without undue interference. I value these words of wisdom and carry them in my heart as I step into the circle of each client/horse interaction.

I would add to this wisdom that we also need to get out of the way of our horses. When we project expectations, judgments, personal agendas and biases onto them, we hinder the process. We begin to engage in prediction of outcome. We get in the way.

I must admit that, at times, I’ve made assumptions about what one of my horses might do during a session, only to be amazed and humbled by a completely different response. These experiences challenged me to reevaluate my attitudes, to reconsider the limitations I place on the horses in my herd.

My mare, Tansy, is a perfect example of misplaced expectations. In the five years I’ve known this highly sensitive mare, we’ve come to an understanding. She is not a “people person.” She isn’t rude or aggressive. She simply isn’t interested in cozying up to people. While I was initially put off by her standoffishness, I’ve come to recognize that she’s simply not an overly affectionate being. Tansy is content to look at me across the pasture without any compulsion to approach me or even be approached by me. She is who she is. I accept her.

But, when I first put her in the round pen with a coaching client, I was dumbfounded to discover that her responses were completely contrary to my expectations. She was approachable, she allowed the client to touch her without any indication of fear or distrust, and she stood patiently as the client released tears of frustration related to an event in her life. Throughout the session, Tansy was fully present and engaged.

I had to take a few seconds to collect myself. “Who is this mare?” I’d never seen anything like this from Tansy! With a little effort, I checked my attitude. I reminded myself to let go, to just go with the flow. By doing so, the experience unfolded in profound ways for the client.

Within the circle of partnership, Tansy shed her reservations and embraced the moment with openness and compassion. In the process, she allowed me to connect with a part of her that I’d never experienced. The client came away from her session with valuable insights, and I walked away with an entirely new, unexpected understanding of my horse.

Of course, I never said anything to my client about this revelation. Her session with Tansy wasn’t about me. Nonetheless, I was both astounded and gratified by what I’d learned.

Recalling the session, I sometimes think about the “what ifs.” What if I hadn’t checked my attitude? What if I’d allowed my own expectations about my horse to creep into the session? How would that have impacted the client’s experience? By projecting limitations ~ thereby getting in Tansy’s way ~ I would’ve also gotten in the way of the client and her learning opportunity.

The original question was: Should we be using our personal horses for this work? I think the answer lies in our ability to answer the next “food for thought” questions: If we work with clients and horses from our own herds, are we able to release our biases? Are we willing to step back and go with the flow when our horses respond in ways that we perceive are out of character? What can we do internally to create and hold space when we’re caught off guard by unexpected responses?

I believe these self-inquiries represent some of the challenges we face, but I don’t think they’re insurmountable obstacles. Those of us who share our horse companions with clients simply have to go one step further than practitioners who don’t. We release our judgments about clients and the process and we let go of our expectations of who we assume our horses are.

Tansy’s responses demonstrate that I really can’t predict what will happen in the circle of partnership. So, I integrate what I’ve learned from experience. Let go, embrace the mystery and get out of her way.

Equal Partnership with Horses

In a partnership, both parties have equal, albeit different, responsibilities. Partners compliment one another, earn trust, and work together with mutual respect for the benefit of the relationship.

What I’ve discovered in countless hours of research -- online, in books and in discussions – is that very few horse people genuinely embrace the concept of equal partnerships between people and horses. The language is there … sometimes … but then it trips itself up with words like “domination,” “alpha horse,” “pecking order,” and so on. But rarely do people talk about real 50/50 relationships.

Here’s how I see it. The words “domination” and “partnership” are mutually exclusive. The former is based on control, submission and subjugation, while the latter is based on equality, collaboration and shared responsibility. Domination and partnership cannot reside in the same relationship – not if it’s a healthy one.

My suspicion is that the word partnership is primarily a misused word in the horse world, as most training methods that I’ve encountered are based on the premise that the trainer is the dominant being in the relationship.

These training methods are modeled on the generally accepted idea that there is a hierarchy within a herd. I don’t subscribe to this idea. The idea of a hierarchy is contradictory to what I’ve witnessed in the herds that I’ve worked with.

What is domination in a herd? Generally speaking, it’s understood as horses gaining and consistently maintaining control/domination over other horses, which presumably results in a top-down pecking order. I’ve never seen this.

What I have seen is horses acting aggressively toward each other, and I’ve seen signs of situational domination. These tend to be temporary, quickly resolved shows of aggression, and they seem to result from imbalance in particular situations.

When a horse thinks he’s not going to get enough to eat, for example, he’ll push other horses away from food. This is bullying, which I suspect is brought about by fear that there won’t be enough food to go around – a reaction to an imbalance in sustenance.

I’ve also witnessed horses setting boundaries with one another in the pasture. Boundary setting isn’t domination, either. From my point of view, it’s about requesting personal space. Some horses, like some people, need more personal space than others and they’re more assertive about enforcing it. Once the boundary has been established, however, balance is restored. This usually takes a few seconds. Rarely do horses chase each other around for more than a few minutes.

The only animals that give a sustained chase are predators.

Mostly what I’ve witnessed is horses living together in functional groups, each with its own place that isn’t higher or lower than any other horse in the herd. Watchfulness and direction setting in the herd appear to be shared responsibilities. This is collaboration, not domination. It’s the herd working together for the benefit of the entire group rather than falling in behind a specified leader.

When we establish ourselves as dominant over horses, we’re putting into play an intense, sustained, unnatural assertion of control that horses don’t understand and don’t respect, because it’s something that they don’t encounter in their every day herd lives. This behavior is specific to their interactions with humans.

Dominance is a human choice that we impose onto our relationships with horses. I think if we maximized the potential for true partnership, rather than trying to coerce our horses into submission, we’d co-create more harmonious, more respectful relationships with them.

Wisdom from a Coffee Cup

I found these words of wisdom from poet Desi Di Nardo on this morning’s Starbucks cup…

The Way I See It #293

The way I see it
Isn’t necessarily
The way you see it
Or the way it is
Or ought to be
What’s more important
Is that we’re all
Looking for it
And a way to see it

The Beaver's Message

“What’s that in the pasture?”

I looked to my right as we drove down the gravel road to the barn, my attention drawn in the direction of Rich’s question.

I didn’t know. It looked like a small deer or a dog, lying in the brown grass, probably dead. While Rich began the afternoon feeding, I walked alone up pasture to solve the mystery. What I found brought me to tears.

It was the body of a large, dead beaver, lying at least 30 feet from the creek. She was on her back, and when I rolled her over, I noticed fresh blood coming from a hole by her ear. She probably hadn’t been dead for more than an hour, though I was sure she’d suffered far longer than that. Some one, somewhere along the creek, shot her in the head and left her for dead. She must have followed the creek to the ford where our horses cross into the upper pasture, and she made an agonizing crawl onto land to a place where we’d notice her.

I reached my hand down to touch her, stroking her fur, tears brimming in my eyes as I apologized over and over for the stupidity of humans, for their cruelty. All animals die, I know, but they don’t need to suffer as this beaver obviously did.

She was enormous, perhaps 60 pounds or more. This was a beautiful, elder beaver – a longtime caretaker and nurturer of the area’s wetlands. I wondered, given the circumstances of her death, how she managed to make it into this horse pasture … and why.

Rich joined me and we held hands, looking over her body. Rich was so angry. True, my husband is a hunter, but he respects life and doesn’t kill needlessly. We eat what he brings home and he prays for the animal spirits who provide us with their meat and skins.

Standing over this beaver, we made a decision to take her home and honor her in the Old Way. We made an offering and said our prayers for her spirit; we took her home and offered tobacco and sage.

Again, I wondered why she’d come to us. I think, in part, her spirit traveled and knew that we’d find her and treat her respectfully – that we’d honor her life and sing her over. We’d keep her skin to remember her. Also I think she offered herself as a messenger for us.

What is the message of the Beaver? As one of nature’s finest architects, much of what Beaver teaches is about foundational work, flow and harmony. She goes about her building industriously, with an eye to the larger scheme of things. Left to her own devices, she changes the flow of water, the flow of energy around her, for the benefit of all. She creates balance in our rivers and wet places. Spiritually, this is also the balance and flow of our emotions.

It came to me the next morning, in a place between sleep and waking, that her message for me is very much about attending to my own foundation. This beaver appeared in the pasture where my horses live, and the foundation of my work with the horses has recently been in personal question.

I’ve realized that the people I accepted as role models, while doing their own valued brand of teaching, don’t share my personal philosophies. We aren’t coming from the same place, and by modeling them, I’ve come to understand that I haven’t been true to my own heart and direction. The result is that, standing on shaky ground, I haven’t grown, nor have I been inspired to move my life work forward in positive ways.

My work with horses isn’t simply a job to me. It resonates in every way in my life, sending ripples through all of my relationships. In partnership with horses, I’m able to explore the Circle in deeper, more meaningful ways, and I’m able to share this gift with others. I can’t simply duplicate some one else’s business model, or copy the practices that I don’t, at heart, agree with. I have to go back to square one and re-build. I began to understand this several weeks ago. The beaver’s appearance in my life was a powerful reminder and a catalyst for much-needed change.
So, as I venture into the New Year, I go deeper into my own foundational work, re-focus, re-write, re-structure, creating a balanced base. I change the flow within me and around me in ways that help me to stand in my own power and that will benefit others.

Megwitch (thank you) to the Beaver for her life and spirit and for the messages she brings, which I’m sure will continue to unfold with greater meaning as I move forward in the coming months …

Celebration and Release

“Kick up your heels and release joy.”

On most mornings I draw a card from an inspirational deck called Touched by a Horse by Melinda Pearce. Every time I read a card’s message, I’m reminded of something that perhaps I’ve forgotten to look at or could put into action in my life.

Today’s reading is “Celebration and Release” ~ an encouragement to celebrate the small successes in life rather than looking at the larger goals to be achieved.

As the card reminds me, “The lesson here is about the power of the collective, smaller victories that must be expressed…” as I move through Life’s Journey.

So, what are the little things I can celebrate today?

The “Maintenance Required” light in my car is NOT an indication of impending disaster, but simply a reminder to get my oil changed. Wow! What a relief!

The call from our veterinarian assured me that my dog’s blood tests were clear. No major health issues. After a few days of worry, this was amazing news.

The weather couldn’t be more beautiful ~ cool and sunny. I celebrate the change of seasons.

Planning for my upcoming workshop is a daily joy. New ideas, collaboration with other people and the incredible reward of sharing this work with a group … all of this fills me with a wonderful sense of excitement. Each step toward the event is an affirmation.

Every small success is a victory and a validation.

What small successes can you celebrate today?

What to Expect from "Living the Circle ..."

Several people have expressed interest in the October workshop, titled Living the Circle: An Exploration of Our Relationships with Creator, the Earth and Each Other. They’ve asked some wonderful questions, one of which is “What is this all about?”

So, to clarify a few things, I thought I’d take a few minutes to share what participants can expect from this workshop.

First, the program involves Equine Guided Education and Coaching. For those who are unfamiliar with this kind of personal growth and learning, the process partners people with horses in activities that are designed to help people connect with their own answers, their own Truth, their own values.

This is an experiential learning process with horses acting as guides or teachers. In other words, as we interact with the horses, insights will surface that relate to other parts of our lives. We’re able to gain different perspectives through these interactions and apply the lessons to daily life.

What can horses teach us? By nature these animals have finely tuned instincts. In a herd or alone, they are acutely aware of their environment at all times; of the subtle shifts in the energy around them. When they’re around people, they respond to our energy and to the shifts within us.

Horses can’t lie or fake their emotions, but they certainly know when we’re faking it! Humans have a tendency to wear “masks.” We may project one emotion when we’re feeling something completely different inside. Horses respond to how we’re truly feeling. So, if we’re all smiles on the outside but feeling anger or grief inside, horses sense the incongruity. They respond to our authentic feelings. Their “feedback” is honest and non-judgmental. This gift allows us to learn more about ourselves, to see our attitudes and behaviors from a different angle, and to re-connect with our authentic selves.

As coaches, Dawn Sanborn and I acknowledge that horses are equal partners in the learning experience. She and I are present to support people learning from horses. We’ll set the activities in motion and allow participants to explore what each experience means on a personal level. We’ll encourage people to expand the lessons beyond the self to reflect on the larger community, to the Earth and to Creator. On occasion, we’ll step in to make inquiries which lend themselves to developing greater awareness during the experience. Otherwise, we get out of the way and let the horses do their work!

Within the context of this workshop, we’ll explore the Circle of Life with horses as our guides. The activities will echo aspects of the Medicine Wheel, beginning in the East and following the path of the sun to the North. Each direction offers us different lessons. Each activity will give participants an opportunity to explore their own Journeys.

There is no riding or training involved. All activities with horses are done on the ground and no horse experience is necessary. We simply ask that you come with an open heart and an open mind.

A traditional Native American Sweat Lodge will follow the workshop. Participants in the workshop will come together to help with lodge preparations and learn what is involved in the process. For people who have never participated in a Sweat Lodge, please go to http://www.manyhorses.org/ (click on the Sweat Lodge page) to learn more about this purification ceremony.

I’d like to take a minute to acknowledge a volunteer, Kate Staley, who’s stepped up to the plate to assist us with this workshop. Volunteers are so important. They invest their time and energy to ensure the day goes smoothly and that everyone gets the greatest benefit from the experience. So, if you come to Living the Circle, please remember to say thanks to Kate for all of her good work!

Also, a great big “Thanks!” in advance to Karen Wolfe and Barbara Morton for allowing us to use their property and to work with their wonderful horses.

To register for the workshop and get directions to this event (held in Bremen, GA) please feel free to get in touch. I can be reached via e-mail at mothercreekhorse@gmail.com

Blessings and Balance …

Nora

October workshop

Living the Circle:
An Exploration of Our Relationships
with Creator, the Earth and Each Other

Offered by
Nora Morbeck, Mother Creek Horse Coaching
and Dawn Sanborn, Outta the Barn


Date: Saturday, October 4, 2008
Time: 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM
Place: Bremen, GA
Recommended Fee: $100 * ~ includes lunch, snacks & drinks

A Sweat Lodge will follow the workshop.


Notes: This workshop offers an opportunity to gain personal insights, to grow and learn in the company of horses, allowing these beautiful beings to reflect, to guide and to teach us on our journey into better understanding the inter-connectedness of life. Through individual and group activities with horses, participants are free to explore what Living the Circle means to them, how it’s expressed in the self, in family and in our larger community. No riding is involved. All activities are done on the ground. No horse experience is necessary.

About the Facilitators: Nora and Dawn are Equine Guided Educators and Coaches. Both women are graduates of the Wisdom Horse Coaching Apprenticeship program, based in Minneapolis. They bring their unique styles to this workshop, combining their skills and gifts to provide a wonderful, supportive learning experience.

What to bring: notebooks & pens for journaling, lawn chairs, a dish to share after the Sweat Lodge.

For more information, to register and to get directions, contact Nora at mothercreekhorse@gmail.com


* A reduced rate is available, upon request. Please note that there is no fee for the Sweat Lodge.