Becoming Unhinged

The poem below was written months before major changes took place last year. I can see within this piece the extreme shifting in the techtonic plates in my life ~ how it foreshadows everything my family and I have experienced since. Sometimes the chaos has to take over and do its work before I can reclaim order.

Unhinged

I could rage in the face of Fear
Become paralyzed in its merciless gaze
I could struggle in its embrace
Or vomit at its feet
Or split
Into a berserker frenzy
To rip out and devour its
Raw and still pulsing heart
I could bathe in Fear’s blood

But I can’t deny its existence
I can’t look away
Or hear that it’s all going to be OK
Or silence my voice when it’s finally discovered
Its own keening magnitude
I won’t be mollified
Simply because my fear
Unhinges you

I am unhinged
Unglued
Shattered
Flayed
Exposed

Fear dances contortions
In my brittle bones
Comfort words and strong arms
Won’t release me from its grip

You can’t do this for me

Chaos will birth me into something new
Fear is a Shadow midwife
Allow for change
It will change
It’s the only promise I can make you
It’s all that I can give you
Until I’m reconstructed
And rise with ashes in my hair

4-26-12